Experiences with my Dad during his final hours

Most of those who will read this already know that my Dad, Eldredge Dorris, died last Saturday morning, June 26, 2010. What follows are some thoughts and experiences I had with Dad during his final hours. I sent this out via email to many friends and relatives and to many contacts on my Dad's email contacts list but thought I would post it here in my blog as well.

I don't write these words to gain sympathy for myself, but rather to share with you what was a profound experience for me and to hopefully leave you with a joyful memory from the final chapter of Dad's life on this earth. If you find inspiration, encouragement, and comfort in these words, then all the better.

Some would say this is therapeutic for me and a natural part of the grieving process. Perhaps so, but I prefer to think of it as another piece of Dad's legacy and a continuation of the celebration that was his life.

My Dad was not a perfect man (none of us are), but a great man nonetheless, at least in my eyes. To know my Dad is to know that he was a very devout Christian, a retired Southern Baptist Minister who, over the course of his life, has touched the lives of so many people... more that I will ever know, but especially my own life. To know my Dad is also to know that he was 84 years old and married to Mom (Minnie) for 64 years, a feat seldom equaled in today's world.

If one was to ask Dad, "what defines you?" I believe he would have answered, "I am a child of God, nothing more, nothing less." Of course, to the family he was also husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, son, brother, etc.. To co-workers he was minister, song director, house painter, security guard, factory worker, etc.. But all of these descriptions/job titles are secondary. To most people who knew him, their first description of Dad would be that he was a man of God.

Dad was under hospice care at home before entering the Alive Hospice facility on Friday, June 18. On a side note, the Alive Hospice staff is amazing. I cannot say enough good things about their service, or rather their ministry, but will save that for another time. Although Dad didn't mention it, I'm convinced that he knew he wouldn't be going back to his house on the farm this time. I also knew that Dad was very concerned about Mom's well-being after he was gone, and I felt that he had not yet come to peace with that in his semi-lucid state of mind and was languishing with that as his final piece of unfinished business. My brother and I had assured Dad on many, many occasions that we would take care of Mom, but he still expressed concern to anyone who would listen.

I feel as though a break-through was made when the hospice chaplain came to visit Dad early last Friday afternoon. I asked the chaplain to assure Dad that Mom was in God's hands. The chaplain asked to pray and of course Dad was very pleased with that idea... and he was surprisingly lucid at that time. To paint the picture, there was Dad, Mom, me, and the chaplain holding hands around Dad's bed as the chaplain prayed. I could sense in Dad's reaction to the chaplain's words that he was beginning to feel peace about Mom's well-being. Then came the moment. When the chaplain had finished praying, Dad with his eyes still closed called me by name and asked me to finish the prayer. I have to admit that my first thought was, "oh no, I can't do this." My second thought was, "yes, I can and must do this. It may be my last opportunity to do something for the man who has done so much for me during my life." I began to pray aloud, but only about three words had escaped my mouth when I became overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment and couldn't utter a sound. I took a moment, said a quick, silent praer for my own strength and the words began to flow. I've never prayed like that in my entire life. In hindsight I now know those were not my words coming out of my mouth. It might have been my voice, but it was clearly God's words. In the midst of my prayer, it came to mind that Dad would very shortly begin his journey through eternity in heaven and that when compared to eternity, the remainder of our lives on earth is only the blink of an eye... then we would all be together again. Not only was God providing the words that Dad needed to hear, but he was providing the strength and comfort that I needed.

This was undoubtedly the most difficult thing I've ever tried to do. At the same time it was the most uplifting, inspiring, and by far the most humbling thing I've ever done. I wonder if Dad knew that by asking me to do something for him, he was actually doing something for me... again. It wouldn't surprise me if that was the case. He was sneaky like that sometimes.

After the prayer had ended and the chaplain had gone, there was an obvious calm about Dad and he never again mentioned any concern for Mom's well-being. I think he had finally made peace with that in his mind and his business was finished.

Then the revival service began! For those who have ever attended an old-fashioned Southern Baptist revival service, you know what I mean. Mom and I sat together in Dad's room and listened while Dad proceeded to thank God and praise God for anything and everything. He would appear to be asleep for a minute or two, then he would begin to speak with eyes closed and hands uplifted for a minute or two. this went on for about 3 hours. His words were clear and made perfect sense. For Dad, I'm sure he was simply talking to his Heavenly Father. For me, it was like the best unscripted sermon Dad had ever preached. At one point I leaned over to Mom and said, "I think it would be appropriate for us to give an Invitation and collect the Offering, because we just had the sermon."

I was not present in the room when Dad took his final breath, but I understand that it occurred peacefully during sleep, and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful that the most prominent memory I will have of my Dad is that he was still helping others (me) while praising God until the very end.

At the moment Dad entered the presence of God, I have no doubt that God said,
"Well done, thy good and faithful servant! Welcome home!"

A word of encouragement to all who may read this -
Stay close to your loved ones and love them like there's no tomorrow. Learn how to forgive and be forgiven. And above all, have faith in God. Life on this earth is too short for anything less.

Thank you for your indulgence and please continue to pray for Mom.

May God Bless Each of You,
Gary Dorris (proud son of Eldredge and Minnie Dorris)